Some Really Good Marriage Advice

This is an excellent book and I've read it more than once! My mother-in-law gave it to me early on in our marriage and I'm so thankful that she did! I have learned so much about being a godly, feminine, woman and wife. It has shaped my life and role as a wife. I love the countless, encouraging testimonies throughout the book, as well.

The author shares countless pieces of wisdom that I've found helpful. But, three chapters which profoundly impacted my marriage and relationship with my husband:

1.)  Accept him!

           Find the good in him, accept him as he is "today" and even if he never changes. Accept his right to be himself and accept his needs. Accept his faults (personal habits, use of time and money, social behavior, etc). Don't compare him to other men you see that would be great examples for him to follow.

2.)  Appreciate him!

This has to do with gratitude, respect and his ego. Show him appreciation daily. Appreciate his character, intelligence and what he does for you. Especially communicate appreciation for him when he's out of his comfort zone-doing something to bless me.

3.)  Admire him!

Respect his judgement, his abilities & his communication. Respect him in public and respect him in my assumptions of him

When I first read this book many years ago, I realized that I was having a hard time accepting some things about my husband. These were things that I wanted him to change and thought I had the power to change in him. These were the things that made me mad, frustrated, angry and resentful. These were the things that were my expectations of him.
So, I got out a piece of paper and wrote down each one of these things. Then, I prayed. I verbally spoke out loud that I accepted my husband for each thing as I went down the list. I relinquished control over my husband to God. I resolved that I would accept him for who he is. Then, I tore up the piece of paper, never to be seen again.  There was no need to hang on to that list anymore. God changed my heart. I can honestly say, today,  I don't even remember everything I wrote on that list so many years ago. But, I do continue desire to be a wife that would accept her husband. I'm so thankful God helped me to see where I needed to change. God is so good.


I encourage every woman to read this book!

40,000 Thoughts

"Your reactions break you loose from your social inhibitions and manifest who you really are inside and what you really believe at your core level. We lose our carefully preserved 'front' when we are pressed beyond calculated thinking. Then, who we really are is made manifest.

You can control your future reactions considerably by changing the way you thinke before you are pressed into a response. The way you think every day determines the way you feel, and it will determine how you will react in stressful situations.

Researchers have determined that the average person thinks over 40,000 thoughts each day. The heart is filled with thoughts, and it is out of that reservoir of thoughts that the mouth speaks words of praise or bitterness. When the pressure is on, and the dam of reservation breaks loose, you cannot control what you say, because you will speak from the abundance of your heart-from the 40,000 thoughts you had that day, and all the days before.

'A good man out of the treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man of the of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45). 
If you, as a wife, are going to change the way you have been speaking it is not a matter of willpower; it is a matter of thought power."

~Debi Pearl, Created To Be His Helpmeet

Helpful Tip Tuesday: Respecting Your Husband

Looking through one of my old books I came across a list of good questions to ask myself from the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace... 

(Guess it's great for me to think these things in theory, but another for me to actually do it!)

Respecting Your Husband...A Self-Assessment

1.  Do you speak to your husband in a condescending "put down" manner?

For example:

"What's the matter with you?"

"Anybody could have done better than you did."

"My Dad would have never done that."

"Can't you do anything right?"

"I should have known better than to depend on you."

"Don't be stupid."

"What you just said is ridiculous."

"You old fool!"

"You're too slow, I'll do it myself."

It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman.  Proverbs 21:19

2.  Do you treat your husband in private as respectful as you do your pastor, your neighbor, or your friends in public?

Honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the King.  1 Peter 2:17

3.  Does your countenance show your disrespect by angry looks, looks of disgust, crossed arms, etc?

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? "If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."  Genesis 4:6-7

4.  Do you talk for your husband or interrupt him?

Love is patient...does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own (way)... 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 

5.  Do you try to intimidate or bully your husband by making threats, verbally attacking him, crying, or in some other way manipulating him to have your way?

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.  Proverbs 14:1 

6.  Do you bring up his shortcomings to others?

Her husband is known in the gates...Proverbs 31:23

7.  Do you inappropriately contradict him in front of others?

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:12

8.  Do you compare him unfavorably with other men?

...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  Philippians 4:11

9.  Do you listen carefully to your husband's opinion, trying to understand him?

Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak...James 1:19

10.  Do you respect his position in the home so much that he can depend on you to do as he asks even when he is not home?

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.  Proverbs 31:11

11.  Do you respect his requests by trying to do as he asks, even if it doesn't seem important to you?

For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.  1 Peter 3:5

12.  Would your husband say that you have a meek and a quiet spirit? If you do, it will be apparent in how you treat him.

And let not your adornment be merely external braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gently and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.  1 Peter 3:3-4

13.  Are you obeying God by being respectful to your husband?

...let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:33