I have to tell
you something I remember I said when I was a little girl. I can still picture where I was at the exact moment I said it. I was eight years old in a
tree I had climbed across the street from my house (one of my favorite things
to do at the time). I was facing my house and talking to God. I told God, “I
never want to marry a pastor or minister because I don’t want to have to go to church all the time.”
Can you believe
I said that! I feel embarrassed and kind of laugh at myself now…I’ve been
married to a man that has been in the ministry for ALL fifteen years of our
marriage this July! And you know what, I love it! And, I do go to church all the time and am really thankful I do so. I love supporting my husband in what God has called him to do. Our lives and marriage have been blessed. God has spoken to me countless times during church services throughout all these years. God has done so much in and through my life because of church.
With that being said, there have been many
joys and challenges with being married to a man in the ministry. I
have tried to glean wisdom from books on the topic and pastor's wives that I personally know. One book that
particularly blessed me was Renewal on the Run (Embracing the
Privileges and Expectations of a Ministry Wife) by Jill Briscoe. Jill's wise and
simple words brought a lot of encouragement and insight into ministry life.
It helped me accept that my life and marriage in the ministry are unique, as
well as my position as a pastor’s wife.
Have you thought?
How do I keep going in ministry when I feel drained?
How do I support my husband? I feel like he's into it more than I am.
How do I handle people in the church criticizing my husband?
Do I have any real friends to hang out with and who I can be myself with?
Do people in the church expect me to act a certain way or do certain things?
Then, this book would be good for you!
Best For: Women married to a pastor or minister; HOWEVER, I do believe this book would be great
for every Christian woman whether your husband is in some form of ministry or
not. We are all ministering for the Gospel as Christian believers, and the key
points that Jill shares are relevant to us all.
Overview: Jill has been in the ministry for over forty
years now and has compiled a book of advice and wisdom on her role as a
pastor’s wife. She shares touching personal stories of the
struggles and blessings of ministry life. Also, Jill encourages the pastor’s
wife to be who God has created her to be with the unique gifts He’s blessed her with. "Be yourself," Jill would say. She also encourages the wife in ministry
to put God first as her ultimate priority and to spend time with God for renewal. I love her lists at the end of the book on “Nine Practical
Ways of Dealing with Criticism” and “Practical Ideas for Battling Busyness”.
A Few Quotes:
“According to one fact-finding group, too many pastors’
wives had no trusted friend, and many have no person they could go to for
support or indeed have any support group at all. But guess how many of those
women asked for help when they really needed it? One percent. Only one percent
shouted, ‘Help!’ even though they were hanging on by their fingernails.”
“Therefore God must be at the center of our partnership. We
must bank on His involvement. He is ‘for’ us. Then we need to operate under the
assumption that we, too, are as committed to ministry as our husbands are. If
not, we are going to have a miserable time in full-time service. It is from
this source of commitment-His and ours-that we get the excitement and joy that
accompany fruitful ministry.”
“You see, you may be
a ministry wife, but God never forgets that you and your family need
ministering to as well. We think that we spend our lives serving others, but
the Lord has a twofold plan. He wants us to learn how to serve others and
become more like Him. And then He turns around our serving and our situations
to heal us, to care for us, and to grow us up, often through the very people we
have helped.”
“Looking back over fourteen years of missionary work and
thirty five years as a pastor’s wife, I find that the things that knocked me
off my feet more than anything else have been (and continue to be) the
criticisms of other Christians. Living with disapproval can drain you of all
your good resolves to put the King first.”
“Encouragement cannot harm people-a loving word from you
will always help somehow, if even a little, if only for a moment. As ministry
wives, our skills and callings are varied, but we can be unceasing
encouragers.”
My Thoughts:
I read Jill’s book a few months after I was struggling with
what my purpose was in God. I was wrestling with a spirit of defeat, frustration
and unrealistic expectations of myself and others-especially of being perfect.
But, I realized I don’t have to be a perfect pastor’s wife. "So," I was asking God, "What do
You want me to do?"
Some main points in Renewal on the Run that spoke
to me and brought clarity to my role were:
1. I need to live
and use the gifts that God has given me whether I’m married to a pastor
or not. God still created me for a purpose.
2. I need to
understand where my friendships lie in the diagram (below) Jill so
accurately showed in her book. I love how she explains Jesus' friendships within this diagram. Jill stated that "Jesus Himself had friends: twelve good friends, three very good friends, and one best friend...[and] the seventy-Jesus' close acquaintances...Beyond that was the space representing the multitudes." Jill explained that Jesus had people that fit into each of these circles in His life. It helped me so much on my perspective on friendship. I asked myself, "Who are the people that fit into these circles in my life?" Also, I was encouraged that I can’t
be dependent on my husband for my one and only friendship. That’s not realistic nor fair to
him, too. I need people in my life that will nurture my walk with God,
as well as friends that I can encourage.
3. My perception
of the 9-5 hour work day for my husband is unrealistic. I am called to obey God
at all times and that may mean letting my husband go to a meeting during the week or
counsel a marriage in the evening when I would want him home. God spoke to Jill
that she can’t have hours like a post office-she and her family must be
available at all times. Reading that freed me to expect to be available at any
time, not just when it’s convenient for me and my family. After reading this book, what I thought were negatives, I now see as positives.
4. My time with
the Lord is KEY! I need times of refreshing-setting aside time to be in God’s
presence, to hear His voice, and to listen to what He has to say. Jill says
at the end of the book, “but remember that your resource for encouragement,
courage, and strength is in the care and provision of God.” Everything I need
can be found in JESUS!
I am so thankful
for the privilege of being married to a pastor. We have been so blessed to
serve God’s church. I’m thankful for the encouragement along the journey. God
is so good!
