The Whole Hearted Parenting Manifesto ~ Brene Brown

The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.

I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.

A Tale of Two Households

"I got two A's," the small boy said.

His voice was filled with glee.

His father very bluntly asked,

"Why didn't you get three?"

"Mom, I've got the dishes done,"

The girl called from the door.

Her mother very calmly said,

"Did you sweep the floor?'

"I mowed the grass," the tall boy said,

"And put the mower away."

His father asked him with a shrug,

"Did you clean off the clay?'

The children in the house next door

Seemed happy and content.

The same things happened over there,

But this is how it went.

"I got two A's," the small boy said.

His voice was filled with glee.

His father proudly said, "That's great;

I'm glad you belong to me."

"Mom, I got the dishes done,"

The girl called from the door.

Her mother smiled softly and said,

"Each day I love you more."

"I've mowed the grass," the tall boy said.

"And put the mower away."

His father answered with much joy,

"You've made my happy day!"

Children deserve just simple praise 

For the tasks they're asked to do.

If they're to lead a happy life,

So much depends on you!

~Author Unknown

as quoted in The Power of a Woman's Words by Sharon Jaynes

How I Learn

Tell me, and I forget

Teach me, and I remember

Involve me, and I learn

~Benjamin Franklin

Helpful Tip Tuesday: Preparing For Father's Day

10 Ideas For A Fabulous Unforgettable Father's Day

1.  If you can't be together, mark your calendar so you will be sure to call your father. Include comments about what he means to you as a father, mentor, and friend.

2.  Pick a photo of you and your father together and write a note to him about why the picture is meaningful to you. Send it in time to arrive a day before Father's Day.

3.  Buy tickets to a game of his favortie sport and go together.

4.  Offer to join him at his church for the Father's Day services.

5.  Write him a letter thanking him for two or more traits he taught you that really make you a more successful person.

6.  Record a cassette for him that shares a special memory of childhood that you both cherish so he can enjoy it in the car or at home.

7.  Order a beef stick and and cheese box, or some other favorite snack gift package, and have it delivered a day early. Enclose a card that says you will join him to watch a game or movie of his choice.

8.  Make a video for him of your childhood home and include a commentary on memories and lessons you really value from your childhood.

9.  Take him to a dinner place of his choice and surprise him with two or three of his friends that he may not see often. Plan this for the day before or after Father's Day so they will be available.

10.   Ask your brothers and sisters to join you in writing notes sharing how your father's influence and availability over the years benefited your family life. Include them in a memory book with a nice masculine cover.


~Daniel L. Mcauley
Father of three, grandfather of six
as quoted in Lists To Live By

Helpful Tip Tuesday: 22 Things Kids Appreciate

What Kids Appreciate

1.  We were often spontaneously getting hugged even apart from completing a task or chore.

2.  They would let me explain my side of the story.

3.  They would take each of us out individually for a special breakfast with Mom and Dad.

4.  My mother always carried pictures of each of us in her purse.

5.  They would watch their tone of voice when they argued.

6.  My parents made sure that each one of us kids appeared in the family photos.

7.  They were willing to admit when they were wrong and say "I'm sorry."

8.  I saw my parents praying for me even when I didn't feel I deserved it.

9.  My folks wrote up a special "story of my birth" that they read to me every year.

10.  They attended all of my open houses at school.

11.  My mother and father would ask us children our opinions on important family decisions.

12.  My mom had a great sense of humor, but she never made us kids the brunt of her jokes.

13.  My parents wouldn't change things in my bedroom without asking me if it was okay with me.

14  When I wrecked my parent's car, my father's first reaction was to hug me and let me cry instead of yelling at me.

15.  My parents were patient with me when I went through my long-hair stage in high school.

16.  My mother would pray with me about important decisions I was facing, or even that I would have a good day at school.

17.  We would have "family meetings" every two weeks where everyone would share their goals and problems.

18.  Even though I didn't like it at the time, the chores my parents made me do helped me learn responsibility.

19.  When I was down about my boyfriend breaking up with me, my father took extra time just to listen to me and cry with me.

20.  My parents never acted like they were perfect, and they never expected us to be perfect either.

21.  My mother would let me explain my point of view on issues-even when she disagreed with me. She always made me feel that my opinion was important.

22.  My parents didn't compare my abilities with those of my older brother or the other kids at school, but helped me see my own unique value.

~Gary Smalley and John Trent

selected from a list of one hundred, from "The Blessing"

as quoted in Lists to Live By

Helpful Tip Tuesday: Kids and Their Stuff

"Life Skills Checklist

*Do my children have too much clothing or too many toys or too many saved papers?

*Is the closet arranged so my child can hang up her own clothing? Are my child's drawers organized and not too crammed? If my child needs it, have I placed picture labels on the appropriate drawers? Do my children each have their own laundry basket?

*Do I have an organized place for out-of-season clothing, and do I regularly go through this storage area to keep it weeded out?

* Do we have a system for rotating toys so the children don't have too much out at one time? Do we periodically give away toys to someone who can use them? Do my children have a place for books and papers?

*Have we thought of a creative way to deal with items left lying around the house, like a confiscation box? 

*Does my older child understand why it is important to be organized? Has he spent time thinking about the best ways to organize his room and belongings? Do I regularly declutter with my child, helping him to sort and prioritize his possessions?"

~taken from Life Skills for Kids by Christine M. Fields, pg. 149

What Are Children Learning?

               

            
         Children Learn What They Live
           By Dorothy Law Nolte

          "If children live with criticism,

               They learn to condemn.

          If children live with hostility,

               They learn to fight.

          If children live with ridicule,

               They learn to be shy.

          If children live with shame,

               They learn to feel guilty.

          If children live with encouragement,

               They learn confidence.

          If children live with tolerance,

               They learn to be patient.

          If children live with praise,

               They learn to appreciate.

          If children live with acceptance,

               They learn to love.

          If children live with approval,

               They learn to like themselves.

          If children live with honesty,

               They learn truthfulness.

          If children live with security,

               They learn to have faith in themselves and others.

          If children live with friendliness,

               They learn the world is a nice place in which to live."

                   

Helpful Tip Tuesday: Routines

Routines 

*To keep you child's morning and evening routine "handy," try this. Trace your hand on two pieces of construction paper, a yellow piece for the morning and a blue piece for the bedtime routine. On each finger, write one thing that needs to be accomplished. Write the first thing to be done on the thumb, for instance, Make your bed. Once your child completes this first task, she gives you a "thumbs-up" and proceeds with the rest: Get dressed, Eat breakfast, Brush teeth, and Morning devotions. Upon closing her children's Bible, she gives you a "high-five" to indicate that her morning routine is complete. This is repeated in the evening for the nighttime routine. The only difference is, instead of ending with a "high five," you put your "fives" together for bedtime prayer.

* We wanted to establish a daily routine for our children while they were still little. The biggest obstacle we faced was the fact that they couldn't read the fancy chart I had made. So, I asked their grandfather to draw pictures illustrating the task that was to be done next to a picture of what the clock would look like at that time.

* A similar idea is to create a daily planner by taking a picture of your child engaged in the activity listed on the schedule, as well as a picture of the clock at that time. Buy a small photo album and put in the pairs of pictures, one page per pair, in the order in which the tasks are to be accomplished throughout the day. First thing in the morning, the child opens her daily planner, does the first task, and then turns the page. The last page has a picture of the child in bed with a snapshot of his or her bedtime on the clock.

* Your morning routine could include filling six sippy cups each morning for each child placing them on the lowest shelf in the fridge. You can fill two with milk, two with juice, and two with water. This is so much easier than pouring drinks all day long, it cuts down on your "waitressing" job, and it ensures that your kids get a healthy balance of liquids every day.

Taken from the Book: Creative Correction, pg. 324-325 

Helpful Tip Tuesday: Car Rides

Activities on the Road

If you have a long car ride, plan in advance to pack:

• Books on tape (free from the public library). There are some great titles for family listening.
• Books for individual and group reading.
• Art supplies. Try sticker books and coloring books to occupy your kids' time. Or if you really want to think ahead, bring old Christmas cards for the kids to cut up with fancy edging scissors, to be used as holiday gift tags.
• Games. Magnetic travel versions such as checkers, chess, and Othello are great. 
• Journals for recording travel experiences.
•  Music. Each of the kids has his or her favorite type of music, so we let them bring CDs or tapes to share with everyone.

Taken from the Book:  America's Cheapest Family Gets You Right on the Money